debilitates and smears
a synthetic human
into a state of nothing.
she harms herself,
realising she is not
worthy of the words her
alter ego spews.
fiction too deeply
because she is not in it.
Caught in the crossfire of someone else’s cruelty
She tiptoes up my spine, testing for weak points
“They hate you.” She whispers,
Devouring my faith with an angry smile
I thought I got over girls like her, decades ago
but it seems I’m infected, have not fully recovered
Maybe tomorrow, I’ll forget her, and myself.
Looking backwards, I ask myself, “What was I, before I was caught?”
I wasn’t a butterfly. This cocoon isn’t going to magically transform me into something beautiful and liberated.
I watch through the gaps, others with wings, whose lives are vibrant and magnificent.
I visited them today, crawled out, and flapped around pretending to be one of them, briefly. I felt joy, and hope, and remembered myself, until it was time to return.
She saw her future unravelling,
consumed by him completely
not a trace of hope
for her ghost
his words tattooed on her flesh,
cutting out an old woman’s shape
binding himself to her
he used her younger self to sew up his damaged life
until her own was frayed beyond recognition
any thought of escape severed
so she dreamed of dying in her sleep
released from unintentional cruelty
The old woman slipped out of existence
Thanking herself silently.
Sleepwalking through this life
Dreaming of a new one.
“Overblown and dramatic!” You judge from the outside
But I Question this godless, empty vacuum
Waiting for something to save me
A religious residue from a life left behind
You say, “It must be hard to find anyone, when.”
“When I’m still living in limbo with him.” I reply, my heart
If one more helpful stranger tells me
What I already know
This feeling will get deeper,
The time, longer
So I dream of my own fictitious ending.
Scraping my life away with your clumsy scalpel
You shaped my reality into something unrecognisable.
I could have been safe without you.
Shredded by your promises and my own failings
A life apart was inevitable, but
I’m still waiting for you to put the knife down
To let me go, so I can remember how to smile.